Gandhi Chicken -- Cookin in Yerwada

Digest This!

Read the caption , i tried , failed miserably , contracted diarrhoea. :(
Brand marketing has stooped from mission munna to save munna to recipe munna.

"Chicken Sanju Baba" (The name speaks a lot, u sent him to jail and now u call him chicken?)
is selling like hot cakes in 100 yr old restaurant in mumbai.
Reason: HandWritten recipe of the same by Sanju da Gandhi Baba.

When the (visibly drunk) restaurant owner claims its authenticity and customers hail the dish, what difference is it going to make for a man who cant even dream of chicken for the next 6 yrs (or will it, sorry i dont know, i enjoy overlooking things)

and to go in as the latest into the archives of monotonous, boring,puffed up , vestigial dialoges were the host's comments after tasting the same

"ummhmmmm.....(with V fingers)... the masala just melts in ur mouth..."
Duh... wat did he expect? the masala to stick around his mouth??... then its not masala dude. it should be (*)um. (*) in {g,c,b.....}

Loosing Toothirginity

Hello Doctor,

My son is 8 yrs old and he still has not lost his first baby tooth. While all his friends have lost at least one , he is still going strong, there is not even a visible shake in any one of them. Should we resort to forcibly removing them, Iam scared for my son doctor.. will he be able to lead a normal life?
Yours Faithfully
Worried Parent

If anyone had come across the "Ask the Doctor" section in the "Aarogyamasika" a health publication in the early 90s then this worried guy wud ve probably been my father.
Everything was happening late to me. It appeared that not only the tooth fairy , but all the archangels responsible for bringing forth the boon of adolescence had totally deserted me.
As a proof of the graveness of my most pathetic state I can reveal one of my deep dungeon secrets now (I dint know anything about s## until i passed my tenth. I guess some of my friends must ve practiced that art form by then)

So such a loser I was , still digging my nose while the biggies in the class discussed about girls and hot aunties until one fine day my dear friend paul MS unleashed his fury on my deciduous duo.

Paul MS was the most energetic guy at the same time the most pathetic student of the class. Teachers abhorred him, girls feared him, and i hated his skin, skin with red rashes and blisters emanating soapy liquid when he scratched them with his long nails.

Bestowed with a degree in his name since his birth he knew how i hated his spores and would casually douse his finger with the shit that he squirted from his blisters and would chase me around the class threatening to smear my face with the same (pretty awkward...i used to run... i cudve turned around and spat at him )

So one day we were on our routine run, Paul MS pointing all the 5 fingers at me. My mission motto as always it has been was to keep him away until the class teacher came in.

I had almost succeeded and was running towards "freedom from chalam" over the wooden desks when the sadist in PaulMS uprooted the desk.
My knee poked into my face and my primaries were gone. not one but both. shattered and rocketed in 2 different directions.
I could feel my breath passing freely through the newly created crater in my mouth.

The teacher came in , caned paul for causing the bloodbath, I guess the class leader also got one for failure of action.

Paul was assigned with the benign task of finding my lost teeth because the teacher believed that scattered teeth are dangerous.
Paul crawled beneath the benches,scuffled through the bags until one was found in one of the open pencil boxes. But the other was never found :(

Paul swore not to use his pus weaponry again while my happy father welcomed a soul with a hole in the evening.

Mohana Revered Krishnan

pst pst.. one more school teacher goes absconding after getting involved in
maarder of her student.

Thrashing was an innate part of school life. Iam not talking about the teacher's chums behind the heavy prisms who left their seats only for their shit/pee routines but about the less privileged groundlings of the classroom. This used be the coup de grace of the teachers when it came to punishing . the last resort for that incorrigible soul after a series of magnum torturas like facing the wall, standing on the desk,getting expelled from the class to wait in the corridor (This was stopped after the exclusives teamed up in the corridor and started playing cricket) .

Thrashing tactics varied from using the wooden/steel scale on the palm(the line of applcation varied in angles for the desired effect) to something called "parathi adi" where the teacher would position himself almost in the middle of a group of excited students and swing his cane blindly like a lone warrior in a battle field. which would be followed by scores of hissing sounds and sour butts.

Everyone in the class loathed this physical abuse. Mohanakrishnan too hated it until one fine morning when the whole class started smelling of shit. The guys started accusing each other of answering the nature's call in his knickers. The monitor spoke at the podium and requested the anonymous shitter to leave the class. Not one soul moved.

As the teacher moved in with avid smile which slowly pilfered to make way to a frown as she pointed "What the $#%$#% is that"

Large footprints of pure shit smeared the floor right from the door to her desk.

"Mohanakrishnan's appa was here"..the bully shouted.

Mohanakrishnan, the son who was to pay for his dad's mistake waited impatiently, evidently scared for the risen cane to land on him. One raised leg in a desperate attempt to ward off and Mohanakrishnan was down clinching his balls.

In a frantic attempt to sustain Mohanakrishnan's progeny he was rushed to the only male teacher in the school, the Vice Principal................................................

High School.

The vice principal is caning the defaulters in the school assembly

New Guy : What abominable thing? A mere look from him makes me nervous.
A placid Mohanakrishnan : Who ? that guy.... U know one thing ... he held my balls.
(Reverend)

Honey I crushed myself

Aah.. atleast now its revealed dat those hunk of a shoulder is not that protective
Dont ask me why i liked this video.
No i dont envy john... do u think so.

CORNERED

"May a thousand curses descent upon you and may you be reborn as govinda" should have been the words my friend whispered into my ear but i was too shocked at what was happening in front of my eyes to react to the situation.

What started as a mid day rabidity culminated into a nemesis when my really really sweet friend incorporated a really really sweet revenge upon me for spoiling his really really sweet sunday.

When i had frantically called marauder and dunds to watch the old man in Action i hadnt anticipated this in my wildest imaginations. All gathered up at the movies to find out that the old man has been sidelined for a day by the boy wizard due to an insurge from a huge fan following.

Well now according to the "If not the mistress at least the maid" policy we set out in search for the nearest theatre complex to make up for the loss. and landed up for this lifetime reverence.

Govinda making a comeback and that too romancing katrina kaif , excellent chemistry with salman muscle khan and a 2 star by rajeev masand (i have stopped watching his show) were the taglines.




My friend did not leave room for any second thoughts and purchased 3 tickets as soon as we set our foot into the complex.

All of us were smiling all this time. Well i wanted to show others that i havent made a total fool of myself by taking this decision and iam gonna thoroughly enjoy this and i presume they too wanted to convey the same thing.


We entered the groundling circle and the entry door had a strong stench of urine. I bet the ticket collector must be peeing regularly on the door to vent his anger for the theatre management.
Managed to get seated among a bunch of bihari migrant workers who smelled funny.

My friends were still smiling...

The supposed to be funny plot unveiled as the life of love guru aka salman who finds it quite easy with the opposite sex right from his birth and pursuing a job of love consultant.

Govinda is a loser (IIM A graduate with second class as he introduces himself)(All CAT aspirants note this)
who is madly in love with his boss (k kaif) consults salman to help him out.

We sat dumbstruck during the funny scenes , laughed our head out during the emotional scenes and slept during the song sequences and somehow made it through the three hour long shit bath.

The only remnants i have about it are

1. Salman's CBR
2. Govinda's boobs
3. Katrina kaif's thighs
4. All the extras in the party , office and mall scenes (people seldom notice them. take my word. they r real fun to watch)
5. The extremely salty LAYS we had
6.The Urine at the door

David Dhawan has managed to make his magnum tortura with this diarrhoeal adaptation of HITCH

Friends not smiling now... :)

PS:- My Friend, you are turning suicidal, u almost got us killed today.

Transforma-Aficionado

Michael Bay is back this time with some really gigantic stuff and the tremors that reckoned the arrival of the giants have materialized into some really solid threat to other contemporary releases at the box office this week.

Transformers marks the onscreen revival of the famous transformer series of toys from hasbro where they fly in to protect mankind from a more ruthless,more metallic decepticons.
megatron, barricade and blackout.Its fulltoo entrtainment guaranteed when optimus prime and bublebee fight it out against their arch rivals.

But ofcourse the juiciest part of the movie is .... yes the TRANSFORMATIONS as such
Its just an orgasmic feeling to watch that old rickety trucks and cars slowly transforming themselves into towering triple storey sized robots.(I envy the japaneese for this kinda stuff. they get to see it daily in all of their cartoons)

i remember watching the citreon c4 commercial in a loop mode just to satiate my hunger for mechanical contortions.



With the baddies hosting a series of fighter jets and choppers in their pedigree lists. this is going to be much finer and sophisticated.

The shapes on screen range from a lockheed F22 raptor(starscream) to an 18 wheeler(optimus pime). and a flurry of other roadies like mustang and pontiac.

Michael Bay had redefined the limits of his potential as an action movie maker with Bad Boys 2. The film was acclaimed for its action scenes and special effects. In here he seems to deliver the same kind of unshaky "count ur breaths baby" action extrvaganza.

And the sheer size of these these things adds to the sex appeal

All i can say is This is gonna be a gourmet luncheon for some ever hungry robo fans with a penchant for hefty action scenes.

Statutory Warning : Indian Call center employees may find some scenes like this one disturbing

Note: The movie has managed to rake in a record 67 million dollars in its first week of opening.
Sadly Indians have decided to go with more magical kind of stuff this week.

Sniffer

All these years he got paid for sniffing things out of other's butts.
Now he's gonna get it for sitting around and sniffing his own (or maybe his her's)